Pressure

I just finished cleaning myself a while ago, including cleaning the bathroom. It was a pleasure to see everything is clean. I feel calm there. In the bathroom, under the shower, I keep thinking, im a bit worried about something, something that used to happen to the people, the disease .. I always worry about my hair loss. Day by day it's getting worse. I can't answer when people asked me why my hair seems to have many small hair-like "hair itch". I have asked my aunt, and she said it was a new hair begins to grow, can't imagine how much hair I had lost ... im very worried. besides, I always had a headache, at first I thought it was migraines. But doctors say that I didn't experience any symptoms of that disease. Is it normal? Is it because im too much put myself under pressure? Urgh == "

Naluri...

Kehilangan seorang insan bergelar ayah benar-benar memberi kesan dalam hidup aku.. perginya abah menghadap illahi bermakna hilang lah satu2 nya lelaki yang selama ini menjadi pelindung dan peneman dikala aku memerlukan. Tanpa abah, segala2 nya terpaksalah aku tanggung sendiri., , Alhamdulillah pengalaman itulah yang telah mendewasakan aku. Walaupun kadang kala masih ada perasaan terkilan kerana abah pergi meninggalkan kami terlalu awal…  2 tahun berlalu, aku hidup tanpa pimpinan tangan seorang ayah. Terlalu berat dugaan itu untuk aku coretkan.. 

Andai nak dihitung, bisa tak terhitung banyaknya dosa yang telah aku lakukan di muka bumi ini. Ramai yang telah aku khianati, ramai yang telah aku sakiti, bukan seorang dua, tapi ramai… bila diri ini mula dibenci baru mula rasa kesal, baru sedar kesalahan diri…  dikala aku tersadung jatuh, sendirian lah aku mengumpul sekuat tenaga untuk bangkit kembali, namun Alhamdulillah, masih ada tangan murni yang yang setia menghulur… masih ada wajah yang ikhlas membantu,. “Mama”… insan itu masih setia disisi… bukankah dia dahulu yang aku khianati…? benar lah kata-kata itu, “ibu mana yang tak sayangkan anak”…  betapa besarnya kasih mama pada aku,.. kadang kala aku menangis sendirian memikirkan betapa kejamnya diri ini... di mana hilangnya perikemanusiaan aku waktu itu?

Demi Allah, aku terlalu menyesali perbuatan aku sebelum ini…

Hari berganti hari… usia aku meningkat dewasa.. hari ini tanggal 12 nov,.. duabulan saja lagi tahun 2011 akan menutup tirainya..  berakhirlah tahun dimana terkandungnya 1001 peristiwa hitam yang berlaku di dalam hidup aku.. namun, aku bersyukur kehadrat illahi…kerana telah memperlihatkan aku dugaan dan onak duri kehidupan sepanjang tahun ini… dengan izin tuhan aku masih bernafas hingga ke saat ini, duduk disamping keluarga tersayang dan menjalankan tanggungjawab sebagai seorang anak dan kakak sebaik mungkin.. tak dapat aku gambarkan bagaimana rasanya hati ini bila diberi peluang berada di samping mama dan adik2, melihat mama meningkat usianya dan adik2 yang baru mula meningkat usia remaja…subahanallah, tersentuh naluri hati ini… 

Knowing Me = )

 i'm an aquarius =)

I'm jut an ordinary girl. i've never been proud of my ability, and i always feel that i ain't  perfect. I trust no one.. I'm quite selective in finding friends. It's not because I'm arrogant but I don't really like mixing with people.  

I'm the person that won't easily fall in love or loving someone.. because I believe, if I truly love someone, it will hurt me.. but once i love someone, i will never cheated..  

I always hide my feelings and pretend like everything is going well.. I don't like to let others know my feelings. i'm quite ego sometimes, . but even i looked stronger from outside, i still have a very sensitive heart. 
p/s:im a very sensitive person. i've cried for many things.. my tears was easily to fall, but i don't cry infront of others.. 

I really don't like others to judge or criticize my appearance.. i can wear what i want and do what i like. I hate being controlled like a toy,..

And as a normal person, i also hate betrayer, backstabber, and so on..I'm a very vindictive person. and please take this seriously ----> I really hate people who teased or hurt my family, don't you ever create any problem with me or i will make sure that you  will regret to live in this world.. 


my prince of dreams
-caring
-concerned
-never cheated
-did not fool me 
-doing well with my mother
-not stingy
-know how to cook <3 <---can cook for me when im not well :P 
-trust me
-someone who can lead me to be a better person
-do not forget the responsibility as a Muslim

I HATE YOU FILTHY GUYS!

just now-8.40pm-i got a message. from a person who i had considered as a brother before. a brother who i trust the most and a brother who finally stabbed me from behind. 

-asking me out for dinner or gathering something like that- but i refused to-

 so i replied him-"im tired,REALLY TIRED" 

then he replied-"oke good!"

i thought he just gonna be mad at me. and that's all..

but i was wrong.

8.50pm-i received a message from him "*** ajak keluar"

and im like "omg... whatthehell he is trying to do?" why he used that *** (my fucking damn ex name) ? just try to feed me out? 

YOU REALLY MAKE ME FUCKING FUCKING ANGRY RIGHT NOW!!!!!

DUDE" I THINK YOU MIGHT BE MISTAKEN HERE,

I AM NOT GOING TO FALL FOR THAT BULLSHIT GUY AT ALL SO PLEASE DONT USE THAT NAME TO ASK ME OUT.! 

IM NOT THE OLD SARAH OKAY DAMN FUCKER?

IM NOT INTRESTED ON HIM..! HE JUST A DOUCHEBAG...!

done>=<

02/11/2011

Kosong dah blog aku ni T.T . kesedihan yang terlampau yang tak mampu aku nak coret lagi dah..

sakit sangat hati ni. . lepas apa yang aku dah lalui, bila diri terasa dipermainkan lagi, sakit dia tak tahu lah macam mana nak digambarkan.. sakit yang tak mampu diungkapkan. sakit yang dah tak mampu nak diluahkan...

T.T